Tuesday’s drawing near and there is nothing but weird excitement on my part. I have heard stories about how bad NS is, and how it is torturous,although I might regret saying this, but I am really excited to see what NS life is like. Two weeks of confinement would more than stamp a definitive judgement on NS. Other than that, I am gonna miss my hair, my lack of activity, the sudden flow of dates, reunions with mates, and my debate team.

Oh, I should update you guys about what I am doing, should I not? Well, other than being a tutor to a sec 2 student, I am also the coach of NP’s Bahas 4PM Team. It’s been a wildly awesome ride thus far, to be honest. I have enjoyed every training sessions with these kids, and am growing protective of them as well as welling in pride with the progress they’ve made. Perhaps I am starting to understand the feeling teachers have when nurturing students. It’s a mixture of pride, protectiveness, and also responsibility. Of course, some are better than others, but all of you have a unique style that you should stick to. Put into practice all that’ve been taught and you’ll be fine. I wish you guys all the best while you cope without my presence for two weeks, and I expect a good performance from all four of you. Do me proud, okay? :)

April’s been good to me. Of course, aided by the return of Mahirah Zainudin who’s been ‘missing’ for around 3 months. Seems we’re now comfortable talking to each other again, and that can only be good. I shouldn’t be saying this, but since I have the rights to my blog, I could, therefore I will. So here goes. Wait, I think I shouldn’t. More on this when everything’s confirmed okay? ;)

Okay, back to the title. National service. I will be enlisting on May 8th (which is coincidentally my supposed 2nd anniversary) to the Singapore Police Force. I haven’t packed everything, especially the most essential item! My NS phone. Haven’t even bought it yet, so yeah. That can wait until tomorrow. I don’t know what else to say. So this is goodbye for now!

Like a flower in the autumn rain,

weak and beseeching warmth,

dying amidst the veil of cold,

bowing,

kneeling,

almost begging

to see to the grim’s swift ending.

The Sun never came, but

another warmth,

light but sufficient,

human but invisible,

like a hand in the dark cave it reaches out,

grabs it gently,

guides it,

waters it not with love,

but with love.

And so the flower lives on,

maybe a while longer.

the grim’s tease,

to see it live in the winter,

but awhile longer is all it needs 

for flowers and humans and the caterpillar 

do not live forever.

We live,

we die,

we lived,

and we have lived.

And this delay is welcomed as I enter the winter’s kill,

to live and hope for the Sun again.

- by Waly Kamal

It took me several attempts before I was quite satisfied with the quality of my post. Okay, I am not entirely satisfied, but since I have an appointment with some NTU people, I thought I should just get this done and over with. 

Yes, I am over the moon. If there’s a moon behind that moon, I think I’ll be over that as well. And the moon’s moon, and the moons go on.  And so another chapter begins.

Wait. That other chapter that is directly after my current chapter is NS. So, this university chapter will have to wait for a year and 10 months. Okay?

In any case, I am jubilant and I am gonna flood my blog with synonyms of happy. So whether you are merry or sunny or gleeful or otherwise, let’s all be happy for this, okay?

Of course, I would like to thank all the teachers- life mentors, really- who have had a hand in this pie. To name all of you in this blog still would not do justice to the immensity of your contribution in making this pie a pie filled with taste upon taste of sweet sweet dreams come reality. For this, and for many more of this pie, or smaller pies, I thank you. All of you. So to teachers Hayati, Gouma, Azlina, Rahayu, Diana, Azam, Haryani, Samaniah and Cikgu Ain, thank you so much for educating me, for being a teacher. For those who recognise those names, indeed, some are not english teachers. Yes, some of them aren’t. But isn’t that the beauty of language? You don’t just get inspiration from one certain practice, instead, it is multi-disciplinary. For instance, Madam Samaniah was the only teacher in MAA who ardently insisted that I speak to her in English Language. I remember how I loathe her maths lesson as I would have to speak, quite awkwardly last time, in english. Another would be, of course, the now famous Cikgu Ain, who has featured several times in my blog, facebook, and twitter if you guys follow me, of course. She is a magician, not literally of course. But she is magic. A wonder. A teacher. An inspiration. And a true true human. Human because she thought me that life will be as bad as it is good to you, it is only a matter of time before you strike it big, or forced to face the painful route of redemption. Even then, life is not all about that. Life is about not giving up what you want to hold on to. Want. Desire. Cliched, but true. What you want, what you desire, even if you lose your grasp on it once, or twice, or thrice, if you want it really badly, let it go not. Hold on, and make it work. Success is not counted unless you make it real. To make it real, you have to try, and you have to never give up. There is always hope. And hope and opprtunity, are what Cikgu Ain gives.

That is a lengthy thank-you note is it not? Even so, it still, as I said before, does not justify the effort they’ve put in as teachers to make me bloom. Oh btw, Wait for my next post. I had an inspiration suddenly for a poem. I feel it coming. Stay tuned!

Life’s not that tragic after all.

People ask me whether I am elitist and whether I choose who I hang out with and who I consider friends. For the first allegation, or question, I have no answer to, because it is not a question, it is that, an allegation, an opinion. As everyone is entitled to their own opinions, I have but no right to rebuff it, I can only prove it right or wrong over time. For the next, it is a definite, straight-faced, no hesitation, no pauses, in one breath, Yes. Yes, I choose my friends, and yes I differentiate between friends, classmates, workmates, seniors, schoolmates, and the hi-bye type of personae who I see once or twice in life. Basically, for this argument’s sake, yes, I differentiate between friends, and the remaining spectrum of people.

Personally, I find people who do not choose who they are friends with, a pity. Before I elaborate, I should say that I do not discourage social activities, I do and I do encourage people and myself to expand their circle of friends, my stand is only that people should carefully assess and later choose who they should call ‘friends’. To continue my point, a ‘friend’ should be an exclusive label. One you have invested time, thought and of course, emotions into. You should realise by now that there are ‘friends’ who are there only in happy times. Certainly, these are the people you should cancel out from your list of friends. Of course, I am not saying severe all relations, I am saying maybe you should not really depend on this person. So my message is this, do not easily let the heart waver and the mouth utter the word friend. Do not trivialise and demean a word as ancient as time and perhaps as sacred as it too. Choose your friends wisely because these are the group of people who may determine the destiny of your life. Yes, ultimately you are your own person, but a person lives in an environment, and an environment exerts influence in decision-making, and friends, like family, are a major part of this environment, and are hence a primary source of influence in one’s life, whether good or bad, it is up to you to decide and to choose. 

I have been lucky enough to have brilliant friends-both emotionally and intellectually brilliant-who have been there for laughs and for shoulder-to-cry-on moments. Yes, I hang out with only a small number of people. And yes, people may view it in a negative manner; say, call me elitist. However, the fact that we have all made it far -thus far-in life is testament of how important it is to choose friends and how it can really influence your course of life, does it not? So, to my friends out there, to you you and you who have been there for me throughout the passages of time, whose ears probably bled at hearing my sob stories but persisted on helping despite that, and whose eyes well up in tears or tummies hurt due to abs-crunching-laughter remembering and reminiscing our times together, whose walls flood with pictures of us, and whose presence I certainly am blessed to have welcomed in this life, I thank you from the very bottom of my heart.

This post is to you guys out there, and to my fellow readers.

Cherish all, but cherish more the few ‘sacred’ ones. Till the next chapter, adios.